This is a get stuff of my chest article. Probably going to be a mixture of ranting and whining. If that is not your cup of tea then feel free to skip this article.
The struggle
It has been one of those “when it rains, it pours” type of weeks. As write this, I feel like a baby / complainer, which is not my intention, but here it goes.
My aunt had a stroke and is likely not going to make it through the week. My aunt has always lived in Florida during my life / memory, but has always come to visit. She is my mom’s oldest sister (9 years apart), so she helped raise my mother growing up. They’ve always had a close relationship and are like two peas in a pod. They would always visit us, especially while my grand-parents were still alive. She is currently not really awake or expected to make it. She does not eat / drink and they’ve basically just been making her comfortable.
One of my employees broke his neck over the weekend. I don’t have a ton of details on this subject, but he had surgery to fuse some discs back together and should eventually be ok, however it will be a long recovery time.
A few weeks ago, I commited one of the deadly sins of running a blower door test without checking / asking about the fireplaces, which caused lord knows how much damage from the soot that was spread throughout the living room(s).
An online friend lost her mother.
All of these things have just got me emotional.
My secrets
I am an emotional person, sometimes to my detriment. I’m prone to fits of anger and depression. I spent many years masking things through alcohol abuse and many other idiotic tendencies. I still drink on occasion, but not as I once did.
I often put my faith in folks, even if I haven’t met them in person, this can often lead to being let down. I guess I struggle sometimes with the reality of online relationships. I think that people are genuine, because I’m that way (how I act online is the same as I act in person for the most part). I will happily show / share the good and the bad, in hopes that someone may learn. This is not at all something to be ashamed of, or anything that I’d like to change, however it does on occasion lead me into turmoil when I find out some true identity / personality of someone.
I hold grudges, like forever grudges. It is very hard for me to get over somethings, even if I want to. I can sometimes put things out of my mind, but when I’m spinning, they will resurface. I want to forgive people, but it is just not the way it works for me often times. It takes a lot to get me beyond my breaking point, but once someone has gotten me there, there is likely no turning back for that person. Luckily, I can count on one hand the number of folks that I’ve had to cut out of my life for these reasons. I’d love to say that I’m a bigger / better person, that I forgive them, but truthfully I do not.
My emotions sometimes make me say things publicly that I should keep to myself. I don’t have a lot of regret around these things, because I generally mean what I say, and also feel we are entitled to opinions as well as entitled to change those opinions as often as we see fit. Although I don’t regret them per-se, it does make me wonder what type of impression it leaves (something for future pondering, perhaps).
I’m one of those that says “I don’t care what they think about me”, when I really do care what people think about me. This often leads to fear and anxiety, especially in social settings. I’m not the greatest at conversation, I’m better at writing or some interaction that gives me a bit of time to think before responding. Therefore, I’m quick to make a joke or something rather than having thoughtful / genuine responses.
Community
All of these things have just got me thinking about community. Community is an aspect that seems distant nowadays, even though we have more opportunity than ever. We call ourselves part of communities, especially online, but I’m not convinced that it is really community (or at least not most of the time, not saying it can’t be / in absolute terms).
I have met a lot of folks online that I consider true friends. Friends that I would do anything for and feel they would do anything for me, just like my real life friends who have stuck with me for many years. These are people that challenge me and how I think on a regular basis. They do their best to lift me up when I’m down.
It’s easy to hide when so much of our interactions are not really in person, to feel like the relationships we do have are not genuine, but that’s awfully cynical. I prefer to give people the benefit / trust they deserve until, at least until they don’t then see my part about holding grudges ;)
Do you ever feel the same? Instead of being cynical and down, today, I’m trying to be positive. I’m trying to share a little bit of what I feel community should be. Although, I’ve never met HVAChicks Jennifer in real life, I read today about her mom and decided to take an hour or so to put together a website for the HVAChicks Community , hoping it would bring a moment of happiness to her day. While I’ve deployed several websites in the past, this one for some reason was a total PITA, but I got through it. I could feel how grateful she was when I shared it with her (and it’s basic AF), but that truly made me feel useful / great after being down in the dumps for a bit.
Conclusion
I’ve probably rambled enough and am losing direction here, so I will end with a few things.
- Build the community around you that you want / deserve.
- Don’t be so quick to pass judgment.
- Spend time with your loved ones, while you can.
- Tell someone you love them.
Finally, I’d like to shout out some people that I’m grateful for. This is non-exhaustive list, if I left you off, I’m sorry and please do not take it personally.
- Bryan Orr
- Bryan has cultivated an awesome group / community that I’m proud to be a part of. His time and commitment to the HVAC industry is something that I hope he himself is proud of. Without Bryan, mostly all the following names would not even be in my vocabulary.
- Ty Branaman (forget exactly how to spell his last name).
- Ty has such a great personality during his videos / training and I’m sure it’s a struggle to be positive all the time, however it brings me hope and joy everytime!
- Dustin (mother f’n) Cole
- Dustin is like a brother that I never had, he’s a true master of his craft and I know that I can rely on him anytime I need it!
- Genry Garcia
- The cuban crusader who has taught me so much about home performance, and especially ZPD (baby, baby)!
- Chris Hughes
- It’s hard to put into words here, but I know that Chris is there to talk when I need it and he’s a great motivator because of his action items :)
- Eric Kaiser
- I think genuine when I think of Eric, I hear his voice in my head when I write reports because of guidance he has given in the past. He truly wants to help teach people.
- Michael Cianfracco (??)
- Man does he make me laugh and we share a passion for the 4-Roses.
- HVAChicks Jennifer (I’ll butcher her last name from memory)
- Jennifer is inspiring with her goals and everything she does to help anyone in the industry. I can’t wait to meet her in person one day soon!
- HVAC Overtime Crew
- I’m lumping these guys together because I truly enjoy when I’m able to make their live stream on Friday’s. And I interact with A-Team a lot and really appreciate him / them!
- Alicia Hollon
- Alicia is so awesome to me, I mean she just made my favorite pancakes and sausage for dinner, love you babe!
Lastly, I have to shout out to my mom. I know she’s going through a rough time with my aunt currently. My mother is the kindest gentlest soul that I’ve ever met. I look up to all 5’ of her!
At any rate, thanks for sticking it out to the end through my ramblings. Be kind to someone today and tomorrow!
